| Episode 10 Hail Who? Players
in this episode are:
| Claudius |
'Poor old Uncle Claudius' of Caligula. Living in town now with Calpurnia. |
| Calpurnia |
Claudius' long time mistress. The proverbial Prostitute with a heart of
Gold. |
| Caligula |
Agrippina and Germanicus' youngest son. The third Emperor of Rome. |
| Caesonia |
Caligula's wife. She's normal. |
| Cassius Chaerea |
Heroic survivor of the massacre in the Teutoburg Forest. New Colonel of
the Guard. |
| Herod |
Claudius' closest friend. |
| Messalina |
Claudius' third wife. Perhaps the most infamous harlot in history. |
| Marcus Vinicius |
Caligula's brother-in-law (married to Agrippina the younger). |
| Incatatus |
Race horse that Caligula made into a Senator. |
This episode takes place in 40 and 41 AD - Claudius is in disfavor now and living out
in town with Calpurnia, his mistress. She is, or was (?) a prostitute, but is obviously a
good hearted person. Claudius gets a letter from Herod and a little present - a set of
loaded dice to "improve his luck". A servant bring in a flyer advertising a
brothel in the Palace. The Senators and sons are to be the customers and the wives and
daughters are to be the 'talent'. Claudius has been designated as doorkeeper.
Suetonius says:He never missed a chance of making profits: setting aside a suite of
Palace rooms, he decorated them worthily, opened a brothel, stocked it with married women
and boys, and then sent his pages around the squares and public places, inviting all men,
of whatever age, to come and enjoy themselves. Those who appeared were lent money at
interest, and clerks wrote down their names under the heading 'Contributors to the
Imperial Revnue'.
The orgy is a packed house. Everyone's there and most have abandoned themselves in the
moment. Claudius does throw out a couple to save the wife, but otherwise they all are in
full swing. Caligula arrives and pretends to be disgusted. Claudius saves the day with
some timely quotes from Homer. Caligula announces that he's off to conquer the Germans.
While Caligula is off at 'the wars' Claudius drops in on Caesonia, the Emperor's rather
plain wife, and new baby. Claudius is to take a load of junk from the Palace to Caligula
so he can auction them off to the provincials.
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It's a rainy day when they arrive at the camp in Germany. Apparently the
'god' Caligula is in a fight with Neptune and the local water gods. The rain must be an
attack by them.
Caligula surveys the attack by the Water Gods.
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Caligula is irate that they came part way by sea and has Claudius dumped in the river.
He climbs out however and some more apt Homer defuses the situation. Caligula insults
Cassius Chaerea and the guard with "Give us a Kiss" as the watchword for the
night. He and Claudius retire to have a chat. He reveals that he's the long awaited and
prophesied savior of the Jews.
| When Caligula returns to Rome, he's furious with the Senate because they
did not order a Triumph for him, even though he had told them not to do so. He's going to
kill them all when Caesonia and Claudius intervene. He proudly displays chests of 'loot'
from his victory over Neptune (seashells). |
Caesonia and Claudius soothe Caligula. |
Later, Claudius is summoned to the palace in the middle of the night. There they are
'treated' to a mock Greek play staring Caligula as a goddess. Afterward, Claudius is
introduced to the seemingly innocent and virginal Messalina, who promptly
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wraps him around her finger. Caligula marries the pair as a joke. (Guest
of Honor is the "noble Senator, Incatatus", the Emperor's favorite race horse.) Messalina - already manipulating poor old Claudius. |
Finally, Cassius Chaerea and a few others decide to strike before they are themselves
stuck down. Caligula is having a bad day at the games. He's been losing at dice until
Uncle Claudius loans him the loaded dice from Herod. He gives 'thumbs down' to a defeated
gladiator and the crowd boos. The conspirators lure him into an underground walkway and
ambush him. "Here's for our wives, Jove." Back in the Palace, Cassius Chaerea
and a guard execute Caesonia and the baby.
 Claudius is
discovered hiding behind a curtain in the Palace by a group of the guards. Lacking anyone
else handy, they hoist him up and proclaim him Emperor.
Claudius is crowned by the Guard. |
